Hari Nasional

The Kingdom which holds my Kingdom celebrates its anniversary. It was almost as exciting as my birthday celebration, just that I had Pooh-bear wrapped in a parcel which I had to sign over from the postman. It was done so that I could own Pooh-bear for a whle.

Anyway, what better way to talk about Singapore's National Day than about Malaysia? After all, that is the place that is truly Asia, implying that Singapore is a fake, like my Prada. Malaysia is known for lots of things, such as the Petronas Twin Towers (which has not been shot down yet) and negarakuku (check http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gyiBvJtJ5Z4, english subtitles for all you failures in higher china)

Main point about Malaysia, I am there now.

I said that I was on study leave for the sake of some stupid brat who didn't understand what Sabahtical Leave is. Well, me being the all knowing and all compromising Great Yant, shall attempt to clarify some doubts about this kind of leave.

1. It is held in Sabah! Like duh, it's called SABAHtical leave.
2. Sabah is very close to Singapore, that's why you still see me around whenever there is a chance for my ego or body to be stroked.
3. Sabah is so near Singapore, I can still see all the hanky-panky you brats get yourselves involved in.
4. I can Horh! over from Sabah and you will hear me as the sound of thunder.
5. I am supposed receiving an education, which is a big wayang since I am the embodiment of absolute knowledge. So your lessons won't be different in any way when I'm back.

Get it now?

Back!

It has been a year since this blog was updated. Now it has risen from the dead. Note that the absence of activity in this blog coincided with an extremely significant part of the kingdom's history - oil prices increase. It is thus the timely decline that signals the beginning of new chapters of the kingdom, many of which I have not thought of yet.

Nevertheless, it is important that everyone spreads the message fast. The message of renewal, reversal and reply. It is important that no Brat is left unturned, for if they are they will be too somber to get smoked by my administration ever again. This is a time where the past, present and future are all presented in one coherent account. Most importantly, this is a time where there are 3, yes 3 not 1, let me repeat that again, 3 Dear Little Yants in the ruling party.

Be prepared to experience an adventure of your life, know your Yants better, and enjoy watching the drama (or Brats leaving to join that kingdom). At the blog, we encourage activity and participation. Talk to your leaders over the tagboard and we will try our best to give you a reply that totally does not relate to anything you have said. To that random trespasser who goes by the name of Sig who tagged, we suspect you gave us a pornsite, just that the link fails and thus your advertisement should be saved for people who do not have a computer. Feel free to do that again, just that you might get new competition.

That's all for now. Your Great Yant has to go and sleep over the next post. And No, I'm not going to an orgie.
With a belated brb, Horh!

Chronicles of DLY: Tying The Knot

A very good day to my people! A few months ago, a student councillor demonstrated how to fold birds for charity. Today i decides to teach you all about a new activity that also involves charity through saving the Kingdom a lot of money. It's called tying the knot. As you all should know, we are currently short of binding combs and might have to resort to tying our scores together with strings. So, here is a few simple steps to succesfully tying a knot.

Firstly, pick a good person to tie the knot with. Like for myself, I have picked a extreme cutie in the form of a Michellin Tyre. Having a cutie around makes tying the knot much much more enjoyable.

Secondly, take the G-string from your partner's instrument and pull for as long as possible. It would be most preferable if the G-string falls out so that you have the full length to tie the knot.

Thirdly, wrap the 2 scorers tightly together. It is of utmost importance that as much friction comes between the 2 bodies as possible. This would ensure a tighter relationship between each other and thus more passion in the music that is being played.

That is all for today's post. I sure hope it is helpful to your understanding in succesfully tying your knots. May you all have a blissful future ahead!

Chronicles of DLY: My First Post

Hi, this is your Dear Little Yant speaking. It has been a long time since I appear around this place. Fans of mine might have also nosetised that I have closed down my other blogs cos people keep miss-intepreting my language due to their lack of profesiancy in England. As such, I closed down my other blogs cause other people and things were taking up my time and some even tarnishing my reputation. But, I decided i needed to come and burst bubbles of rumour among other things.

In order to create a new image for myself and better portrayal of my extraodinary actions, I shall take on personalities of various famous characters to illustrate my day. For today's post, I shall be describing my daily life in the form of the Agent of the Queen to the Great Kingdom no. 006.5, Commander James Bong.

My adventures lately has included shooting people with bullets of vulgarity. The bad guys that I catch are usually out to tarnish my good name by suggesting that I do things that go against my personal traditional Chinese upbringing. They tend to distort the truth and give me random names in order to personify me as some scandalous character doing scandalous things. Besides my main mission to either silence such people or silence myself in front of them, I also have other side missions such as saving the numerous girls that are somehow always ficticiously linked into my personal life and ficticiously said to have done all kinds of things with me. I save them by taking the fiction out of that experience which always helps to relieve them of some pressure. Of course, such a daunting task does have its limitations and most of the time it is the presence of the "Queen". However, luckily for me, her presence is usually not in my presence and thus it does not exactly make a difference. To further relieve my personal depression, I tend to make morale boosting statements like, "She can go eat her s**t!". I also watch large amounts of football matches on channel 5 while she blasts me over the phone.

So that is the rundown of my daily life. I hope the personlification has helped you in the understanding of my life. Till next time, bye bye.

The Fine Punishment

Horh! Since the time we got our double horhness, my Brats have become complacent again. They have been trying to live up to the horniness by attemping to porn. So I have come up with this sneaky scheme to make sure they appear for rehearsals and be brainwashed by dear Pooh-bear.

Before the Horhner day, I used to make the Brats fill up a form and ask me for my autograph. Actually, it was very very nice being chased around the school like a superstar. However, now that my ego has been stroked so much that even my large surface area has been totally covered, I shall implement a new policy, to ensure that nobody will have a crutch mentality. Everybody should learn how to walk on their own and walk to rehearsals on time.

The new scheme will be called "Everyone Rellinquish Paper System To Yield from Late Entrances" or ERP STYLE for short. Basically, at the time rehearsal starts, all the doors will be closed and anybody who comes in late will have to pay a piece of A4 paper per minute. These A4 paper will be contributed back to the Kingdom throught the printing of scores for the Brats. I remember somebody once said, "I tax more not because I need the money, I can easily give the money back to charity. It is the principle in which i should get paid." Similarly, the Great Yant does not need simple A4 paper, the Deans Office has unlimited supply. It is the principle that if you are late, you pay!

To accommodate the low-income Brats, I shall not fix the quality of the A4 paper required. After all, the rather low quality paper is actually more valuable since it can double up as my toilet paper.

OOPS Gave It Up

As OOPS develops into a powderfull and pwnage organisation, the members have to occasionally go out of the Kingdom to spy on other Kingdoms to report back to the Yants (before they arrest us and close us down for being an illegal gathering)

Our first mission was to investigate a public performance by the Victorian Kingdom. It was quite nice seeing a new man waving his stick and thrusting his hips at the same time (to us, Poohbear only waves his stick cos we can't see his hips). Of course, OOPS is not about just enjoying the sight of people waving sticks. We also need to fulfill our Coperate Social Responsibility. In today's case, we have decided to give a little bit of advice to the horn player who deicded to blow bubbles with his gum while playing his instrument.

1. Do not attempt to blow two things at the same time. Due to the constraints of the human mouth, they normally can only accommodate one at a time.
2. Blowing takes a lot of effort, especially for a horn. As such, in the unfortunate event that a bubble bursts inside your horn and dampens your sound, you are advised to BLOW HARDER!
3. At the end of the concert, you should clean your horn by rubbing the inside to remove any bubble gum. To do this, put a rubberized cover over a stick, stuff stick inside hole of horn till back is reached, rub insides as vigorously as possible, repeat above steps until satisfied.

This OOPS project was kindly brought to you by Felix, who cleverly left us some tickets at the door to kope so that the mission could be completed successfully. His kindness and generosity is what enables OOPS to carry on running on a low budget without needing funds from the Yants.

The Horhness

It was a day of extreme excitement. The day when the only thing on everybody's mind was just to be like me - possessing the horhness.

As you all should know by now, the term "Horh!" is created, used and patented by me the GREAT YANT. It took people quite a long time to realise that it was certainly a stroke of genius. The term conveys almost any emotion intended by the speaker, from anger to happiness. The term can be used in any occasion, from reprimanding a group to a friendly conversation with friends. It is by far the second most versatile word, losing narrowly only to the F word.

Once everybody understood the importance of Horhness, they started to work for it. They practised for weeks and months, just hoping to be rewarded with that ultimate prize - to be Horhny like me. However, as the Leader of SARS always says, "WE WILL NOT REST ON OUR LAURELS!" With everybody trying to achieve the Horhness, the kingdom had to do something more.

And something more we surely did. We achieved double Horhness! I managed to pwn all the other Kingdoms on my specialty skill. SARS was very happy with my ability to stamp my authority on my Kingdom. I was so happy that tears flowed down my cheeks like the fountain in Bugis Junction!

OOPS caught you

It is becoming more and more obvious that we are in a typical great kingdom. Like England, we have a queen who is the utmost important person to the people. Like England, we practise the arts of music and soccer. Like England, we have a scandalous prince, and that's who we are going to talk about today.

We brats have been working on a totally yant-independent initiative called Orchopolis Outreach Progressive Society or OOPS for short. Our main job is to go out for social meetings, spread the word of our great kingdom and also discuss the importance of Yants in our lives. Sometimes we would invite a Yant along, sometimes the Yant will attempt to crash.

OOPS was holding its celebratory meeting of the Big Night. Among issues discussed, one of them was the impact the Yants have played in the organisation and execution of the Big Night. It was all thanks to them that we could see Pooh-bear wave his stick for so long. We felt really guilty for not inviting the Yants along. Some of the more emotional brats were on the verge of crying.

Suddenly, as if he read our minds, Dear Little Yant appeared right in front of us. We were all amazed at his mind-reading skills and also grateful of his presence that relieved us of our guilt. Further to our amazement, he took the joyous occasion to introduce our probable new queen. We the brats were certainly honoured that our leaders share such information with undeserving commoners like us.

Later, we realised that Dear Little Yant did not actually want to meet us there. It was wishful thinking on our part. He never really wanted to celebrate anything or release any news. OOPS!

Haagen Does It

Horh! Pooh-bear walked off on tuesday. Apparently, he was feeling lethargic because he hadn't had his daily pot of hanny yet. He was also a little bored of sitting down listening to ee ee orr orr and wanted to porn rehearsal. Nobody porns as well as a pornstar like him. The way he walked out was so confident and macho, his eyes containing so much character. I was so proud of him.

I wanted to exercise a little bit of my ownage powder by launching a suprise attack on the senior brats. I must say I was extremely effective as it caught them totally by surprise. I was able to give my long long lecture until all the brats could not take my bombardment of the Knowledge Of Rehearsal Arrangement Negotiation (KORAN). It basically means the art of holding pooh-bear back whenever he feels pornographic. This can be done by offering him perks such as a pot of hanny or the offer of special treatment (to ensure the perk, ahem) or not giving him an excuse to leave by either making him feel hot by turning air-con down or reducing the number of pornstar wannabes. Pooh-bear always feels a duty to pass on the art of porn to the next generation and would always grab the opportunity to do a live demonstration.

After imparting the KORAN to them, I gave the excuse of having to pick up Baby R-Yant and left the place without paying a cent. The brats had unknowingly treated me to hot water. But then again, it's a small price to pay for such absolute knowledge.

Reflection: The Big Night

It had been a long time coming, the musical journey, the adrenaline rush, the mass mental orgasm.

Most importantly, the chance to see Pooh-bear wave his stick around for a whole 2 hours.

Unlike all those unappreciative souls on the stage, I watched his stick throughout the duration of the concert. I grinned at his cheekiness when he tried to scratch his back with his stick. I tapped to the tempo he beat with the stick. I swayed in all the directions his stick went. I was jealous when he pointed his stick at the soloists (both male and females). I was disappointed when his stick could not take it anymore and stopped moving in exhaustion.

Overall, it was exciting, excruciating and erotic.

But that's only half of the story. The other half was the terror of a threat to my power over the kingdom which has always been absolute. Before the main show, some announcements had to be made. For some reason, some brat forgot that I was the true ruler of the Kingdom and started to give orders. DLY also joined the brat in dictating the kingdom. While I don't exactly mind the presence of DLY, I mind the fact that he was trying to use his power when I want to use my power. It was unbearable!

I had to give them a piece of my mind. Being a ruler, I measured accurately a piece of about 2.7cm by 3.2cm by 5.9cm and was about to wrap it up. However, i realised that I did not bring any wrapping paper and the unwrapped product might scare some important guests away. So i restrained myself and merely gave a short scolding which included repeating for the billionth time that I am totally in charge. Anyway, the waving stick lifted my spirits up again and made me forget to raise the issue again. I'm very proud of myself for my self-control.

That's about all I should say about the big night. FYI, due to not enough votes, the new year's eve eve incident shall be postponed to either when more votes come in, the character is really dying to say something or never ever.