Chronicles of DLY: Tying The Knot

A very good day to my people! A few months ago, a student councillor demonstrated how to fold birds for charity. Today i decides to teach you all about a new activity that also involves charity through saving the Kingdom a lot of money. It's called tying the knot. As you all should know, we are currently short of binding combs and might have to resort to tying our scores together with strings. So, here is a few simple steps to succesfully tying a knot.

Firstly, pick a good person to tie the knot with. Like for myself, I have picked a extreme cutie in the form of a Michellin Tyre. Having a cutie around makes tying the knot much much more enjoyable.

Secondly, take the G-string from your partner's instrument and pull for as long as possible. It would be most preferable if the G-string falls out so that you have the full length to tie the knot.

Thirdly, wrap the 2 scorers tightly together. It is of utmost importance that as much friction comes between the 2 bodies as possible. This would ensure a tighter relationship between each other and thus more passion in the music that is being played.

That is all for today's post. I sure hope it is helpful to your understanding in succesfully tying your knots. May you all have a blissful future ahead!

Chronicles of DLY: My First Post

Hi, this is your Dear Little Yant speaking. It has been a long time since I appear around this place. Fans of mine might have also nosetised that I have closed down my other blogs cos people keep miss-intepreting my language due to their lack of profesiancy in England. As such, I closed down my other blogs cause other people and things were taking up my time and some even tarnishing my reputation. But, I decided i needed to come and burst bubbles of rumour among other things.

In order to create a new image for myself and better portrayal of my extraodinary actions, I shall take on personalities of various famous characters to illustrate my day. For today's post, I shall be describing my daily life in the form of the Agent of the Queen to the Great Kingdom no. 006.5, Commander James Bong.

My adventures lately has included shooting people with bullets of vulgarity. The bad guys that I catch are usually out to tarnish my good name by suggesting that I do things that go against my personal traditional Chinese upbringing. They tend to distort the truth and give me random names in order to personify me as some scandalous character doing scandalous things. Besides my main mission to either silence such people or silence myself in front of them, I also have other side missions such as saving the numerous girls that are somehow always ficticiously linked into my personal life and ficticiously said to have done all kinds of things with me. I save them by taking the fiction out of that experience which always helps to relieve them of some pressure. Of course, such a daunting task does have its limitations and most of the time it is the presence of the "Queen". However, luckily for me, her presence is usually not in my presence and thus it does not exactly make a difference. To further relieve my personal depression, I tend to make morale boosting statements like, "She can go eat her s**t!". I also watch large amounts of football matches on channel 5 while she blasts me over the phone.

So that is the rundown of my daily life. I hope the personlification has helped you in the understanding of my life. Till next time, bye bye.

The Fine Punishment

Horh! Since the time we got our double horhness, my Brats have become complacent again. They have been trying to live up to the horniness by attemping to porn. So I have come up with this sneaky scheme to make sure they appear for rehearsals and be brainwashed by dear Pooh-bear.

Before the Horhner day, I used to make the Brats fill up a form and ask me for my autograph. Actually, it was very very nice being chased around the school like a superstar. However, now that my ego has been stroked so much that even my large surface area has been totally covered, I shall implement a new policy, to ensure that nobody will have a crutch mentality. Everybody should learn how to walk on their own and walk to rehearsals on time.

The new scheme will be called "Everyone Rellinquish Paper System To Yield from Late Entrances" or ERP STYLE for short. Basically, at the time rehearsal starts, all the doors will be closed and anybody who comes in late will have to pay a piece of A4 paper per minute. These A4 paper will be contributed back to the Kingdom throught the printing of scores for the Brats. I remember somebody once said, "I tax more not because I need the money, I can easily give the money back to charity. It is the principle in which i should get paid." Similarly, the Great Yant does not need simple A4 paper, the Deans Office has unlimited supply. It is the principle that if you are late, you pay!

To accommodate the low-income Brats, I shall not fix the quality of the A4 paper required. After all, the rather low quality paper is actually more valuable since it can double up as my toilet paper.

OOPS Gave It Up

As OOPS develops into a powderfull and pwnage organisation, the members have to occasionally go out of the Kingdom to spy on other Kingdoms to report back to the Yants (before they arrest us and close us down for being an illegal gathering)

Our first mission was to investigate a public performance by the Victorian Kingdom. It was quite nice seeing a new man waving his stick and thrusting his hips at the same time (to us, Poohbear only waves his stick cos we can't see his hips). Of course, OOPS is not about just enjoying the sight of people waving sticks. We also need to fulfill our Coperate Social Responsibility. In today's case, we have decided to give a little bit of advice to the horn player who deicded to blow bubbles with his gum while playing his instrument.

1. Do not attempt to blow two things at the same time. Due to the constraints of the human mouth, they normally can only accommodate one at a time.
2. Blowing takes a lot of effort, especially for a horn. As such, in the unfortunate event that a bubble bursts inside your horn and dampens your sound, you are advised to BLOW HARDER!
3. At the end of the concert, you should clean your horn by rubbing the inside to remove any bubble gum. To do this, put a rubberized cover over a stick, stuff stick inside hole of horn till back is reached, rub insides as vigorously as possible, repeat above steps until satisfied.

This OOPS project was kindly brought to you by Felix, who cleverly left us some tickets at the door to kope so that the mission could be completed successfully. His kindness and generosity is what enables OOPS to carry on running on a low budget without needing funds from the Yants.

The Horhness

It was a day of extreme excitement. The day when the only thing on everybody's mind was just to be like me - possessing the horhness.

As you all should know by now, the term "Horh!" is created, used and patented by me the GREAT YANT. It took people quite a long time to realise that it was certainly a stroke of genius. The term conveys almost any emotion intended by the speaker, from anger to happiness. The term can be used in any occasion, from reprimanding a group to a friendly conversation with friends. It is by far the second most versatile word, losing narrowly only to the F word.

Once everybody understood the importance of Horhness, they started to work for it. They practised for weeks and months, just hoping to be rewarded with that ultimate prize - to be Horhny like me. However, as the Leader of SARS always says, "WE WILL NOT REST ON OUR LAURELS!" With everybody trying to achieve the Horhness, the kingdom had to do something more.

And something more we surely did. We achieved double Horhness! I managed to pwn all the other Kingdoms on my specialty skill. SARS was very happy with my ability to stamp my authority on my Kingdom. I was so happy that tears flowed down my cheeks like the fountain in Bugis Junction!

OOPS caught you

It is becoming more and more obvious that we are in a typical great kingdom. Like England, we have a queen who is the utmost important person to the people. Like England, we practise the arts of music and soccer. Like England, we have a scandalous prince, and that's who we are going to talk about today.

We brats have been working on a totally yant-independent initiative called Orchopolis Outreach Progressive Society or OOPS for short. Our main job is to go out for social meetings, spread the word of our great kingdom and also discuss the importance of Yants in our lives. Sometimes we would invite a Yant along, sometimes the Yant will attempt to crash.

OOPS was holding its celebratory meeting of the Big Night. Among issues discussed, one of them was the impact the Yants have played in the organisation and execution of the Big Night. It was all thanks to them that we could see Pooh-bear wave his stick for so long. We felt really guilty for not inviting the Yants along. Some of the more emotional brats were on the verge of crying.

Suddenly, as if he read our minds, Dear Little Yant appeared right in front of us. We were all amazed at his mind-reading skills and also grateful of his presence that relieved us of our guilt. Further to our amazement, he took the joyous occasion to introduce our probable new queen. We the brats were certainly honoured that our leaders share such information with undeserving commoners like us.

Later, we realised that Dear Little Yant did not actually want to meet us there. It was wishful thinking on our part. He never really wanted to celebrate anything or release any news. OOPS!

Haagen Does It

Horh! Pooh-bear walked off on tuesday. Apparently, he was feeling lethargic because he hadn't had his daily pot of hanny yet. He was also a little bored of sitting down listening to ee ee orr orr and wanted to porn rehearsal. Nobody porns as well as a pornstar like him. The way he walked out was so confident and macho, his eyes containing so much character. I was so proud of him.

I wanted to exercise a little bit of my ownage powder by launching a suprise attack on the senior brats. I must say I was extremely effective as it caught them totally by surprise. I was able to give my long long lecture until all the brats could not take my bombardment of the Knowledge Of Rehearsal Arrangement Negotiation (KORAN). It basically means the art of holding pooh-bear back whenever he feels pornographic. This can be done by offering him perks such as a pot of hanny or the offer of special treatment (to ensure the perk, ahem) or not giving him an excuse to leave by either making him feel hot by turning air-con down or reducing the number of pornstar wannabes. Pooh-bear always feels a duty to pass on the art of porn to the next generation and would always grab the opportunity to do a live demonstration.

After imparting the KORAN to them, I gave the excuse of having to pick up Baby R-Yant and left the place without paying a cent. The brats had unknowingly treated me to hot water. But then again, it's a small price to pay for such absolute knowledge.

Reflection: The Big Night

It had been a long time coming, the musical journey, the adrenaline rush, the mass mental orgasm.

Most importantly, the chance to see Pooh-bear wave his stick around for a whole 2 hours.

Unlike all those unappreciative souls on the stage, I watched his stick throughout the duration of the concert. I grinned at his cheekiness when he tried to scratch his back with his stick. I tapped to the tempo he beat with the stick. I swayed in all the directions his stick went. I was jealous when he pointed his stick at the soloists (both male and females). I was disappointed when his stick could not take it anymore and stopped moving in exhaustion.

Overall, it was exciting, excruciating and erotic.

But that's only half of the story. The other half was the terror of a threat to my power over the kingdom which has always been absolute. Before the main show, some announcements had to be made. For some reason, some brat forgot that I was the true ruler of the Kingdom and started to give orders. DLY also joined the brat in dictating the kingdom. While I don't exactly mind the presence of DLY, I mind the fact that he was trying to use his power when I want to use my power. It was unbearable!

I had to give them a piece of my mind. Being a ruler, I measured accurately a piece of about 2.7cm by 3.2cm by 5.9cm and was about to wrap it up. However, i realised that I did not bring any wrapping paper and the unwrapped product might scare some important guests away. So i restrained myself and merely gave a short scolding which included repeating for the billionth time that I am totally in charge. Anyway, the waving stick lifted my spirits up again and made me forget to raise the issue again. I'm very proud of myself for my self-control.

That's about all I should say about the big night. FYI, due to not enough votes, the new year's eve eve incident shall be postponed to either when more votes come in, the character is really dying to say something or never ever.

Happy Munjen New Year

The time has come for all people to stop all their work and celebrate the Munjen New Year. This is the time when members of my fami-Li gather together and do random stuff such as eat, gamble, throw oranges at each other and attempt to reduce the pain of giving money away by hiding it in an opaque red envelope. (guess what, the whole school is also going to do that tomorrow)

Anyways; most people in my fami-Li do not actually know I am the GREAT YANT who founded the Kingdom of Yant itselft. It is sad that I cannot let everyone know that I am the true ruler of an entire universe (scarly they get jealous and emotional and break down crying). It is my promise to myselft that I shall not make everybody outside the kingdom miserable by telling them what a big big figure I am. Either they see it for themselves or they are blind.

I am very sad about Baby R-Yant's angbao collection. All my relatives and friends have so many kids that I have to give much much angbaos to them. In contrast, Baby R-Yant only gets one angbao because he is the only Yant around. There is only a limit to my patience (90km/h)! I cannot be making a loss forever! (Note to selft; next time bring the whole Yant family with me to collect angbaos. It will also make me look rather powerfull bringing all the baby puppies around)

Ok i shall end the post around here. A lot of people have been asking me on the New Year's Eve Eve incident. I shall get everybody to give their views on the incident. Please vote on the tagboard whose story you want to hear first. Current options are; Myself the GREAT YANT Itselft, DLY the official Yant in charge, Pooh-bear my chief pet, a random brat, the ecologico-historico-chemico-psycologico-economico-analyst. For all those who don't know what incident I am talking about, you may negative vote an option, don't vote and read to make sense of the situation or dao this place while the members of the Kingdom attempt to clear the air (to about a PSI of 30).

I am so inspired

When activities move into full swing and all of us become very busy, when life starts to lose meaning and work becomes our sole religion, when rehearsals become a chore and performances a dreadful fear, we the brats, mo matter how simple and unimportant, need some inspiration. (Yes, my uber long sentence is to show that I'm "longing" for the inspiration)

Anyway, all senior brats were treated to the most inspirational speech of our lives by none other than the GREAT YANT. Our great leader gave us 15 minutes of our emotional nourishment needed to spur us on in our future endeavours. We were given the new title "pioneers" which means that we are not just JVC or Toshiba. It also tells us that we are not only vaccum cleaners that suck, we are also televisions that flash. We also learnt that in addition to our leader being called Mrs See, we have a new sub-leader called Mr Look. Together, they form the "look see look see" group, the main observers of our weekly practice. We are of course honoured to have a committee formed just to be our rehearsal critics.

Thus, we brats, as unimportant as we are, have to work as hard as possible to repay our leader. We must concentrate to play every single piece, even if it is munjen music. After all, as the GREAT YANT said, "Don't think that just because this is non-western music means I don't need to use my brain!"

"I con" Myself

As we all should know, the Esplanade (also known as the Durian) is supposedly the arts icon of Singapore. Read the previous sentence again. Notice there is a word that happens to describe me too? For all those unsharp people who haven't gotten the point, the word is "icon". Yup! As much as the Esplanade is an icon for the country, I the GREAT YANT am the icon for my Kingdom. Thus, it is very important that i make contact with this important figure.

Here comes my problem, I am sort of powerless outside my kingdom. It is really sad that even the SARS (refer to previous posts to understand acronym) cannot do anything about it. I really need to reinforce my status as the GREAT YANT. Either I bring myself to the Esplanade or I bring the Esplanade to myself itselft!

Lately, I have noticed a brat in my IMH class who always sits next to my whiteboard. He is the Kingdom's official triangle whacker, which means he tends to use a stick to hit a bent stick to feel its vibrations. Well, some static-electro-magnetic-vibrato-induction must have passed through his body because now his hair stands up like a cockatoo, or rather like the Esplanade. Now you see the link? I don't need to bother to make the trip all the way to touch the ginormous monument. I have a similar spikey one which I can make contact with anytime I want. Best of all, he doesn't shake his head which ensures that he does not look like a simpson.

Stress and relief

Horh! Life is getting stressful itselft! Only beginning of 4th week of school and the work has been becoming more and more. Now on top of the vast amounts of music to teach (including the new word called "acculturation" picked up from wikipedia), I have to make daily pilgrimages from Kingdom Come to New World just to make sure that the new members to the Inquiry of Music at Higher-level (IMH) do not copy the work of the members who have been in here for one year already. It is a big sacrifice, but I am the GREAT YANT after all.

With more stress comes the greater need to relieve it. Therefore, for all other Yants also in great stress, I shall recommend my new entertainment. It is called the "a-cute-stick". I think most male Yants should have one of their own but for female Yants (I happened to recognise one on Saturday), you might have to buy a personal one for yourself (do consult your pohsenal manager if you have doubts). If I am not wrong, it is under the CG series in Yamaha Music shops. I shall not go into details of using the instrument simply because I'm really aching to play it already. So next time if you Brats try to contact me to no avail, do remember that most likely the GREAT YANT is enjoying her privilledge of playing "a-cute-stick".

I am so angry itselft

HORH! HIP-POH never take attendance of everyone itselft. I threw a royal fit and made hip-poh wallow in his own mud. I must still emphasize that i can still throw those things because I'm royal and fit. Why oh why is hip-poh not know take attendance; Must remind Dear Little Yant to spank hip-poh many many times until his hip-pohsterior red. Also must make him choose a back-up pet, as they always say, just in double bass case. Never ever did this ever happen even under seat warmers or seat coolers. Note to selft: Bring coolant to splash hip-poh with if he make problem itselft again; I must have attendance every re-ha-sal or else I will be furious itselft and throw royal fit.

On a better note, which is E-sharp, there is a bryant itselft in cellot, so ee ee orr orr got more t soundth, which is forte. Bryant is establishing his/her/its own empire. Must take note (B-flat)

Quiz ITselft 10 Questiont

01. Who is your best friend? Pooh Bear
02. Where is your ideal holiday spot? The Yant Sea
03. Who is your favourite subordinate? Hip-poh
04. What is your favourite Subject? How to bluff your way through music
05. Who is your favourite person, who is younger than you? Dear Little Yant
06. What is your favourite MRT Station? Yew Tee (Yent)
07. What is your favourite activity? Bathing Dear Little Yant
08. Who is your favourite composer? Copland Itselft
09. What is your favourite article of clothing? Green Shawl itselft
10. Who do you want to do this quiz? Dear Little Yant and Hip-poh

Philosophical Rant

If a guzheng doesnt make a sound in a gamelan, does it still perception?

I horh therefore I is!

Beauty is in the eye of the copland

Let all who enter here be aware of MEP

A is, therefore B
B is, therefore C
A is, therefore D retrograde F1 inverse transposition
Horh, where is key signature itselft?

Where my green shawl is, so will my heart be

at least i dint leave my brains in scotland

Countdowns by Yant

Horh! Yesterday see all those people jumping around vivocity and reciting the numbers backwards from 10 to 1. That knowledge astounds me. So I shall do a countdown too. I can't exactly count backwards from 10 so in order not to embarrass myself, I shall only countdown from 5.

5 more days to senior-brat orgy. All the mature, well-built brats to oogle at (horht horht horht)
4 more months to Yantmas, when everybody worships me and my other dear Yants. Also the day that we Yants get mass sucking session.
3 more minutes to my sauna session. That's my secret to staying slimmer than Pooh-bear.
2 more days to seeing pet Pooh-bear. Bet he's as chubby as ever.
1 more year to the stepping down of Dear Little Yant. I've got to produce a new Yant again. I sure do not want seat warmers again!